Want to Meet Women? Get a Dog and Live in An Apartment

I live in an apartment and this is the first time I’ve owned a dog and lived somewhere where I had to walk the dog on a regular basis.

It’s amazing the number of conversations I’ve had with random men because of that.

It’s a very easy approach, right?

You have a dog, I have a dog.  Dogs being dogs they’re both pulling on their leashes to meet each other.

All you have to do is let your dog drag you over to the woman and her dog.

And then you have a built-in topic of conversation.

“What kind of dog is that?”  “How old?”  “What’s his/her name?”

Now, having said that…

There are a few things that you should not do because they’re creepy.

If it’s late at night or very early in the morning and it’s just you and the woman, maybe save it for another day.

(Especially if you’re a good hundred feet away from one another when you first see her.)

Try to keep your attention on the dogs and not leer at her.

But also make solid, normal eye contact and don’t mumble weird things.

Understand that if you’re half-dressed it may be a little awkward for her to stand there talking to you no matter how attractive you might be.

And watch body language.  If the woman is clearly trying not to let her dog get near yours, don’t bring yours closer to her.

(Although I think children are more guilty of this last one than men.)

Overall it is a nice, non-threatening natural way to make that first contact.

Friends to Lovers?

I’ve been thinking about this a bit lately.

I spent Friday night hanging out with a guy I’ve known for over a decade who happens to be recently single.

Nothing happened.  There were no awkward moments where he tried something and I turned away.

(Which is a good thing.)

Perhaps he has no interest.

But, as a woman with lots of guy friends, I always reserve a little spot in the back of my mind to watch for any signs that a guy friend is about to try something.

(It’s so much easier to defuse the moment than have to deliver a body block.)

Now, the question is, why would I want to defuse the moment?

He’s a decent looking guy.  Good job.  Values his family.  He’s put up with me for over a decade.

Seems like a good catch, right?

I think the issue is that I can’t think of him romantically.

He’s my friend and I don’t know how to shift my mind to view him differently.

So, even though he seems like a good catch on paper, my mind just refuses to go there.

On the flip side, I have another guy friend who I have lusted after since the day we met about four years ago.

A man I will never be able to date.

I know this.  I know there’s no point in being attracted to him like that.

And I value his friendship a tremendous amount and would hate to lose it.

But I can’t shift my thoughts about him from sexual attraction to just friends.

And it’s a bit of a problem.

It seems that when I first meet a guy, I assign him to either friend or potential romantic partner, and then my mind gets stuck there and I can’t shift him over to the other side.

Which has meant walking away from some good friendships.  Either because I was attracted to a guy who was not attracted to me (or not free to be attracted to me) or because a guy was attracted to me and I knew I could never reciprocate that feeling.

I never did so lightly.  But I’ve done it when it became clear to me that the imbalance was creating difficulties in our friendship.

So, my advice to someone dealing with this?

Find a way to reset the relationship.  Get some space or distance.  Go away and come back new.

Be out of the person’s life long enough so they’re forced to reassess you. And maybe the second time around they’ll put you in the “right” category.

Being Too Polished

I was at an event this weekend and there was a guy there and he was…

Awkward.

Now, most times when a guy is awkward he kind of stutters through what he’s saying or he stares at a woman’s boobs while he talks.

Or maybe he stands way too close or tries to touch her in ways he shouldn’t.

(There were a few of those, too.)

But this guy…

He had a unique problem. Continue reading

Dating And Money

So, the Forbes 400 list is out today.  You know, the one that lists the top 400 richest people in the world?

That had me thinking about dating and money.

I’ll admit, there have been times I’ve been tempted by the idea of dating some wealthy guy.

It seems like life would be simpler if I did.

How nice to be with someone who could pay all the bills.

No money fights or worries.

Of course, it wouldn’t be like that.

No matter what amount of money you have, I think money is always an issue. Continue reading

Sometimes I Just Don’t Get It

I’m in the process of writing a companion book to the first one.

(I realized it was better to have a dating advice book for men and a humor book for women than trying to market the same book to both men and women.  Hence the new cover, too.)

(At least that’s my excuse for spending time on this little project.)

Anyway.

I just finished revising the chapter on married men on dating sites.

(The version for men starts “Fuck you.  Leave me alone,” if that’s any indication of my opinion on the matter.)

I think I can safely say that on every single dating website I’ve tried I’ve been contacted by at least one married man.

And I just don’t get it.

There is nothing in my profile or answers that would indicate that I’m interested in being some guy’s piece on the side.

So, why, if a man is bound and determined to get some extra lovin’ on the side, does he approach women who give absolutely no indication of being interested in that kind of thing?

They’re just lucky I’m not the vindictive type.

Because I could so easily request a photo and then post it on some name and shame website somewhere.

The weirdest part of all is that there are websites devoted to these men.

And even one free normal dating site that could be used to find someone with those proclivities.

And yet they contact me.

Do they not realize that the rules have changed now that they’re married?

It’s like having a unibrow.

Now they need to find women who go for that kind of thing.

And not all women do.

Like I said, I just don’t get it.

 

Finding the Right Relationship Matters

I spent the last few days helping a friend close out a business she has with her soon-to-be-ex-husband.

They’ve been separated for almost two years at this point, but are still in the early stages of getting divorced.

Talking to her just reminded me how important it is to make sure you marry or commit to a good person.

Obviously, hindsight is 20/20.

But this guy showed what I consider a major warning sign from the start: A general dislike for women. Continue reading

Toxic Relationships

Sorry about the double posting.

But I’m sitting her watching Dr. Phil (Why?  I don’t know) and I can’t not say something.

The episode involves a married couple where the man has been physically abusive.  And the woman has maybe been verbally abusive.  Hard to tell.

I just watched this man admit to holding a knife to his wife’s throat.

He explained that he only did it to terrorize her, not kill her, so that made it okay. Continue reading

Grammar Matters!

I was reading through Kboards today and stumbled across a post where folks were discussing whether they’d download a free book if the preview of the book showed obvious grammar errors.  (In this case it was putting punctuation outside the quotation marks for dialogue.)

My answer: HELL NO!

The book I just wrote is about online dating.  And I felt basic grammar was important enough in that setting to dedicate a whole chapter to it.  And that wasn’t even for people trying to make a living off of their writing.  That was just for guys trying to find some woman to go to dinner with. Continue reading