I was over at my best friend’s house last night. She’s one of those friends that you can not see in months and then pick up exactly where you left off.
A few years ago she got married and now has a cute baby.
So, we’re sitting there catching up and I’m playing with the baby and her husband asks, “So, Cassie, do you want to have kids?”
As a woman who has reached a certain age, that’s a pretty awkward question to answer.
Ideally, yes. But…Wait, let me look around. Yep, pretty damned single at the moment. And not inclined to just get knocked up for kicks. So…
I also got asked if there was a “Mr. Cassie in the picture.”
And then informed that that’s how you get babies.
Oh, is that where I’ve been going wrong?
Oh, well. Now that I know…
The issue of ever getting married and having kids is a pretty complex discussion for me. And when I get asked questions like this (that are as well-meaning and awkward as my asking if they were going to have another kid) I know that the person in question is not looking to have that conversation.
They want a “Yes” or a “No, never seen myself as a mother.”
They don’t want a “Yes, but only if I can find a man who I think will be as a good a father as my father was. And, oh yeah, there’s the whole having to be good at dealing with my crazy which only about two percent of men can do. And keeping my interest, which only about ten percent of men can do. And that two percent and ten percent really don’t overlap…And, well, now I’m old, so I could go through all the steps and still not conceive. And if I did just get married because I wanted kids and then found out I couldn’t have kids, then, well, I’d be kinda screwed…”
I’m looking forward to being forty-five or so. That’ll stop the baby questions, at least. Not the dating questions. Those will always be there. (Unless I start to act normal and settle down with someone at some point.)
I guess I should find it flattering that on the surface I look normal and eligible enough for people to think I should actually be able to find someone. And that my friend’s husband thought I was good enough at playing with their baby that I’d make a good mother. (He actually said that…)
Yeah, I’ll go with that. It’s good that people think I’m normal enough for a real relationship.
(How little they know…)