Missed Opportunities

I was listening to some Katy Perry song today–the one about the guy who got away– and it occurred to me that most of us focus on the obvious missed opportunities.  That person we dated for six months and then its just didn’t work out, but looking back we can’t figure out why.  Or that person we were really good friends with and it never quite evolved into a dating situation.

But we all have missed opportunities every single day that we don’t even see as missed opportunities.

That person in the elevator that looks interesting.

The person you spoke to while waiting in line for a coffee.

That person you spoke to at the bar before your friends arrived.

Sometimes you might realize those were missed opportunities.  Sometimes those people linger in your memory for a while and you wonder “what if.”

But there’s a whole slew of even more subtle missed opportunities.

The party you didn’t go to.

The walk you didn’t take.

Basically, every time you chose to stay inside alone rather than go out into the world.

They’re all missed opportunities to meet people, to form connections, to change your life somehow.

If you want a relationship, create opportunities for connection.  Get out into the world.  Create the possibility for something to happen.

Change It Up

If you don’t like the people you’re meeting, if they aren’t the type of people you want to know, then change it up.

Go to new places.  Move somewhere new.  Travel somewhere new.

Start new activities.  Shop at a new grocery store.

I’ve been guilty of this one myself.  I look around at the type of men I’m meeting and I think, “Is this it?”

Or, “Wow, I really don’t want to be married to an investment banker who works 100 hours a week and judges himself by whether his suit and car cost more than his friends’.”

But then I look at how I’m spending my life and realize that it’s not a big surprise why I’m meeting those types.

At the time I was meeting those i-banking types, I was working all the time and spending a little too much of my own free time on retail therapy, so no wonder that’s what I was attracting.

If you one day dream of traveling the world, then put yourself somewhere where you’ll meet other people who like to travel.  Is that small-town Wyoming?  No.  Is that small-town anywhere?  Uh, not likely.

But Washington DC?  New York?  New Zealand?

Yeah.  You go to one of those places and you will find people who have traveled all over the world.  Who grew up all over the world.

(I’m sure there are many others, but those three I know personally.  London as well, but I’ve only passed through there, but never spent more than a few days at a time.)

Or, if you like to hike and be outdoors, well, go somewhere where people like to hike and be outdoors.

I have a buddy who moved to Boulder, Colorado sight unseen because from everything he’d heard it was his type of place.

And he was right.  Boulder was a much better fit for him (a bike-riding, vegan) than Long Island where he grew up.

So…if you don’t like your choices, change your options.