Boys, Boys, Boys…

Picture me saying that in a slightly exasperated, you’ve disappointed your mother sort of way.

A friend of mine has been valiantly trying online dating this year.  She did well and found a boyfriend for a while, but it didn’t work out so she’s currently in the midst of round two.  And the stories she can tell…

Like the guy who used her e-mail address to friend her on Facebook before they’d even gone on one date.  (Don’t do that.)

Or the guy who asked her to text him each morning when she woke up even though they hadn’t met yet.  (What the???)

Or the one who texted her non-stop at all hours of the day.  (As she said, I have a job, don’t you?)

(You can see why I don’t give out my number if I can avoid it until I’ve met a guy in person and determined he isn’t insane.)

She’s also experiencing the usual, standard ones that every girl runs into.  Like the guy who put on forty pounds and then posts only old photos of himself and talks in his profile about how much he likes to jog and hike even though it’s clearly been a while since he did anything active. (Uh, women aren’t blind, buddy…)

And I say boys, but these are grown-ass men we’re talking about.  Somewhere in the thirty or forty-year-old range.

Don’t do that shit.

If you’re a guy and you read any of that and recognized yourself in those comments then you may want to check out my book Don’t Be A Douchebag.  It’s currently on sale for 99 cents.  Buy it, read it, and save us all a little bit of pain and suffering, because finding a good match is hard enough without some of the shit guys pull (knowingly or unknowingly).

Oh, and if you’re a woman who recognized some of that behavior, you might want to read Online Dating Is HELL which basically just rants about the same things I tell men not to do in Douchebag.  It, too, is on sale for 99 cents right now.

(Of course, if you’re new to online dating, don’t read those books.  Keep your starry-eyed optimism as long as you can.)

Online Dating Basics: Men vs. Women

Wow, I am a really bad blogger because it’s been a couple months since I posted last.  But I have an excuse.  I was writing two new books.  Online Dating for Women: The Basics and Online Dating for Men: The Basics.

They started out as one book but then I realized that men’s and women’s (and we’re talking straight men and women here) experiences online dating are so different that it was just annoying to try to write about them in the same book.

In what ways you might ask?

Well, how about photos?  OkCupid does these great studies of their users every once in a while and came up with completely different recommendations for profile photos for men vs. women.  Women are supposed to smile into the camera, men are supposed to brood away from it.  Who knew?

(Although, I do wonder a bit about the advice for the men.  Maybe men looking for casual and fun are supposed to look like distant assholes.  But if you want something more serious, then I think looking nice and approachable works, too.)

Then there’s communication.  I think we all know that even in this day and age men are responsible most of the time for initiating a new conversation and that women can join a site, do next to nothing, and get messages.  A man who did the same would find himself very lonely.

Even the red flags I thought of were different between men and women.  Men had to watch out for the drama-filled types and women had to watch out for the “all women are bitches” types.

It’s kind of crazy when you start thinking about it.  Which I hadn’t, because the first time I tried online dating must’ve been about fifteen years ago.  But I had a friend try it for the first time this year and her comments reminded me of all the little things you need to think about that first time around.  Like choice of site, user name, what photos to choose, what to say, who to respond to, how to respond, when to agree to meet in person…There are a lot of moving parts to the whole thing.

So I wrote a book about it.  As you do.  Currently up at Amazon (including for free borrowing through Kindle Unlimited.)  It’ll go up everywhere else in a couple more months.  Probably in time for Valentine’s.  Always a fun holiday for the unwillingly single.