A Tongue-In-Cheek Guide To Moving From Lonely Singledom to Happy Coupledom

I’ve noticed that many of my friends seem to follow a pretty standard and predictable path from lonely singledom to happy coupledom.  It’s gotten to the point that I read their latest Facebook post and think, “Yep, next step is…” or, “Oops, this one’s not gonna last.”

Now, granted, what I’m about to list out says A LOT about the type of people I know and am friends with.  I’m in my late 30’s at this point and went to some pretty good schools, so the people I know are doing well enough financially to take foreign trips and buy homes, for example.  I don’t expect this list applies to everyone.  But it certainly does seem to happen far too often for me to ignore at this point.

So, what are the steps that my friends seem to follow?

Pre-Relationship

  1. Get a pet.  Usually a cat.  Sometimes a dog.
  2. Post a lot of cute photos of said pet and dote on it a bit like you would a child.  FB posts about the pet should be at least 10% of all posts made, but probably closer to 50% or more.
  3. Go on a diet/get in shape.  (An optional step that doesn’t apply to those who are already in shape.)
  4. Buy a home/apartment.  (Also an optional step, but happens often enough to be noticeable.  For those who don’t buy a place, they do move into a home/apartment by themselves and spend some money/effort making it their space.

Relationship

  1. Meet someone.  Often not the someone you would expect them to meet.
  2. Engage in ten times more dinners and outings than before, many of which will be fancy or special in some way.  (Think lobster and steak at a nice restaurant instead of hamburgers at the local bar.)
  3. Take long distance trip together, preferably somewhere international or gorgeous like Hawaii.
  4. Post on social media about being lucky/happy/etc. or just post photos of being lucky/happy/etc.  Gush even though you’re not the gushing type.
  5. Take second long distance trip together, preferably somewhere romantic like Italy.  (Optional step here: Get engaged.)
  6. Settle into happy coupledom.  (Not necessarily marriage, but usually something long-term like buying a home together.)
  7. Dial back on the fancy dinners and outings and settle into “real” life together.  Occasionally gush about being lucky/happy/etc. but not near as much as before.

There you have it.  Get a pet, get fit, meet someone, go out with the person lots, travel once to test the relationship, travel a second time to cement things, and you’re on your way.  Easy peasy, right?  Haha…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s