50% Off on Kobo

So, turns out Kobo is running a HUGE promo right now on 1.3 million books.  They’re all 50% off for three days.  (Depending on where you are that either is already happening or will be happening soon.)  Might be worth checking it out.

Info is here.

I’m also pretty sure that somewhere in that list of 1.3 million books, you’ll find all of my books, just, you know, in case you are a kobo reader and have been hesitating to buy the books because of the cost…haha.

What books would those be?

Well, the classics Don’t Be A Douchebag and Online Dating Is Hell as well as the starter online dating guides for men and women.

And, because there’s only so much talking  about online dating you can do before jumping off a very high cliff starts to sound really, really fun, the puppy books are there, too: Puppy Parenting Primer, Puppy Parenting In An Apartment, and Dog Park Primer. (And I will note here that the covers of all of the puppy books feature my very own adorable, incorrigible pup, Miss Priss.  Why?  Because I could and she’s cute and if nothing else comes of writing those books, it made my mom happy to see her on the cover.)

(I will also note that I am NOT the person on the cover of Douchebag.  Just in case there was any possible question about that…)

Boys, Boys, Boys…

Picture me saying that in a slightly exasperated, you’ve disappointed your mother sort of way.

A friend of mine has been valiantly trying online dating this year.  She did well and found a boyfriend for a while, but it didn’t work out so she’s currently in the midst of round two.  And the stories she can tell…

Like the guy who used her e-mail address to friend her on Facebook before they’d even gone on one date.  (Don’t do that.)

Or the guy who asked her to text him each morning when she woke up even though they hadn’t met yet.  (What the???)

Or the one who texted her non-stop at all hours of the day.  (As she said, I have a job, don’t you?)

(You can see why I don’t give out my number if I can avoid it until I’ve met a guy in person and determined he isn’t insane.)

She’s also experiencing the usual, standard ones that every girl runs into.  Like the guy who put on forty pounds and then posts only old photos of himself and talks in his profile about how much he likes to jog and hike even though it’s clearly been a while since he did anything active. (Uh, women aren’t blind, buddy…)

And I say boys, but these are grown-ass men we’re talking about.  Somewhere in the thirty or forty-year-old range.

Don’t do that shit.

If you’re a guy and you read any of that and recognized yourself in those comments then you may want to check out my book Don’t Be A Douchebag.  It’s currently on sale for 99 cents.  Buy it, read it, and save us all a little bit of pain and suffering, because finding a good match is hard enough without some of the shit guys pull (knowingly or unknowingly).

Oh, and if you’re a woman who recognized some of that behavior, you might want to read Online Dating Is HELL which basically just rants about the same things I tell men not to do in Douchebag.  It, too, is on sale for 99 cents right now.

(Of course, if you’re new to online dating, don’t read those books.  Keep your starry-eyed optimism as long as you can.)

Online Dating Does Work

Not for everyone, but it does work.

I was thinking about this today because a friend of mine who met her husband online just had a baby.  And she and her husband really are a good match.  They wouldn’t have met if it weren’t for online dating.

Another friend of mine met his wife online as well.  And four, five years later (?) they’re still going strong.

I think what both of my friends had in common was a very positive attitude towards the whole thing.

My friend who just had the baby went on a large number of dates from the site she was on.  She wasn’t trying to be overly selective up front.  She was just trying to get out there and meet people and see what happened.

Me?  I’m a paranoid freak who thinks there are some seriously crazy people out there, so I am always pretty aggressive in weeding guys out before I meet them.  Which, since I’m still single and she’s not, kind of shows that her method is more successful.

Then again, she’s also a relationship person and I’m not.  I think between her first boyfriend and her husband she spent maybe six months of her life single.

I’m a firm believer that if you just keep trying you’ll eventually find someone.

All you have to do is look around at the people who do end up with someone and you’ll generally see a pattern of people who keep getting into relationships until they find one that sticks.

Of course, a lot of those people also have some pretty miserable experiences along the way.  My friend had at least one dating experience that would’ve completely freaked me out and probably driven me into hiding for a good six months.

The key I think is to be open, approach it with a positive attitude, and keep trying.

(And if that fails you can do what I did and write a book explaining all the things that just made you want to throw your hands up in despair…)

Sending The Right Signals

So, in the dating books I talk about how online dating isn’t really a great solution for everyone.  I think it is ideal for a certain type of person and a complete waste of time and energy for others.  Ideally, the best way to meet people would be in real life doing something you love.

My mom met her current husband in a bowling league.  She didn’t join the bowling league to meet anyone and neither did he, but they got thrown on a team together, her car broke down, he offered her a ride home, she cooked him dinner as a thank you, and the rest is history.  They just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary.

Here’s the problem with the whole meeting someone in real life idea: They have to know you’re available.

I’m in my thirties and I notice that I get hit on a lot less now than I used to.  Sometimes I think it’s because I’m old and fat, but then I glance around a little and see that I’m still getting eyed like a piece of meat, so, as much as I’m not what I used to be, I think there’s a different problem at play.

And that’s the fact that I give off no signals that I’m available.  None.  And, being the age I am, I wouldn’t blame men for assuming that I’m married, in a serious relationship, or not interested.

Unfortunately for my dating life, not giving off signals is a protective mechanism I developed when I was younger, hotter, and men said creepy things to me all the time.  After about ten years of that crap I think I pretty much suppressed every signal a girl can give off.

So, what signals are those?

– Eye contact

– Smiling

– Doing something with your hair.  (If it’s up and long, letting it down is the BEST.)

– Reacting to a man who is trying to get your attention (This one sounds a little odd.  But think of the guy who sits down next to you on the train and proceeds to fidget and make noises.  What’s your normal reaction?  You look at him.  If he’s good-looking, your gaze lingers.  He smiles, you smile.  You start talking…)

– Being open to being approached (Put away the book, cellphone, etc. and be open to conversation)

If you know someone and want to signal interest:

– Staying with them/near them at a party or event

– Laughing at their jokes

– Engaging in witty banter (Good example.  Guy I knew casually said, “You know, I had a dream about you last night.”  I said, “Really?  What kind of dream?”  He said, “Ah, the usual.  You were naked, I was naked.”  I responded, “Is that all?”  He crouched down by me and said, “Well, there was a little more to it than that…”  See where that was going?)

– Letting them run their game (A lot of times you can see someone’s angle, but if you like them, you don’t let them know that.  You just go with it.  Like that conversation above?  Here’s what I said next, which is what you DON’T do.  “You know, you’re really predatory…”  I actually liked that about him, but it shut him down.  So, don’t do that.)

– Being complimentary

– Touching them or allowing them to touch you  (Don’t be creepy about it, just allow them to be in your space.  Sit on a couch and let your legs touch, sit at a table and let your feet touch, etc.  )

So, those are a just a few thoughts.  Just remember, especially in this day and age, your odds of anyone approaching you are pretty much nil unless you’re signalling your availability in some way or other.

(And, for the really clever and brave, you might have realized that just because an attractive woman isn’t signaling her interest in you doesn’t mean she isn’t available or potentially interested…she may just be sick to death of dealing with the douchebags out there.)